Into the Smoke
by Literally Dawsey
Summary: As requested, this is Book 3 in the Burning Desire Chicago Fire Fanfiction Series. After being pulled out of The mangled wreckage of Truck Co.81, Casey lays motionlessly in a hospital bed fighting for his life. With his friends and family around him, Gabby, Jamie and Stefan fight to stay strong as the impending death of their husband, father and brother draws ever closer. Later in
1. Stay Strong

_The thing about life is that you really have no idea how long you have left; no idea how much road you have left in front of you. You could have days, weeks, months, years or even decades to live but you'll never know until your day comes. The thing is, I thought my day had come and the thing was - I was terrified. The thought of death never really scared me, everyone had to pass away one time or another and the only thing that I could do was to pray that it wouldn't be painful. I kept chanting to myself 'Oh God please don't make it painful. Please, don't make it painful.' I thought about the family I would leave behind, never having another chance to tell them how much I love them. All of the time we spent together flashing in front of my eyes. Jamie being born, him starting school; all the way back to the first time my lips touched Gabby's. All of that lost in a blink of an eye. I tried to drag my thoughts away from those heartbreaking ones; I remember the screeches of the breaks on the truck as Cruz desperately tried to stop it from ploughing into the concrete wall in front of us. I remember the yell of terror from my men as we lurched through the traffic, and most of all I remember the fiery pain that spread across my body. Up my legs, in my heart, and especially in my head. I must have blacked out for a moment because the next thing I remember is my side door popping open and, because of my lack of strength, all I could do was slump towards it. I remember my best friend Kelly Severide yelling at me to keep holding on for Jamie, Gabby and Stefan; for the rest of the fire house._  
 _I knew it was bad, I knew that I was going to die and the fact that it was right in front of me, staring me between the eyes was the most scary thing._  
 _Kelly called for a paramedic and then everything happened all at once. Someone was supporting my neck; pressing gauze to my head, then I felt the jaws slowly try and move the mangled metal from around my legs. The pain kept pulsing like waves crashing against the ragged rocks of the seashore. Each one getting stronger and stronger until I couldn't take it anymore. I felt my brain slowly start to shut down. All feelings of reality that I had started to dissolve into a mix of pain and confusion. As Jamie and Gabby's faces flashed across my mind for the final time, my acceptance of death was beginning to grow. I'd had a good life, met the girl of my dreams and had the most amazing kid who would continue my legacy till the very end. I was thankful of what I'd had, it made my heart break that I had to say goodbye to it all in such a horrific way but it was my time. I let my eyes begin to flutter shut as the pain overwhelmed me all at once. Reality started to fade out as all the sounds began to muffle into one deafening mix of tones and words. It was my time and I was ready to accept it - with all the commotion around me, my world started to fade from a vibrant heaven to the grayscale tones of death. Then, everything went dark..._

The sun was shining when Gabby stepped out of the district. The feeling of the sun on her face was something that didn't happen that often. Spring was coming and the harshness of the Chicago winter was something that everyone had to put up with. Down the sides of the district, flowers were slowly springing into bloom and the thought of new life put a smile on to her face.

Antonio had called her in for extended medical knowledge for a case he was working. Things like this didn't happen that often because usually Medical Examiner Thomas Willis was trustworthy, often Gabby thought it was just an excuse for them to spend a bit of quality bother and sister time together out of their busy schedules. It was nice, the way he thought of her like that. It's not that she didn't but Antonio was single, Laura lived in Florida with the kids that he wasn't allowed to see, so Jamie was the closest he had to seeing any of his younger family. Now that Stefan was working in homicide, picking Jamie up was getting harder and harder for him and so Antonio had alreally stepped in. Both him and Stefan took it in turn to have Jamie on the nights that Matt and Gabby were on shift. However, every once and a while Jamie slept over at fire house just for old times sake. The one thing that continued to amaze Matt and Gabby was that Jamie had learnt to sleep through some of the klaxon calls. Sometimes, Matt would come jogging out of his office and see his son tucked up asleep on one of the bunks. With a little kiss placed gently on his forehead, Casey would continue his run towards his truck preying, like every other firefighter, that it wouldn't be the last time that he'd her his son. Gabby was the same. She always kissed him goodbye, awake or not, when she had a call as well. However today was different. They all thought that it was a normal day; Gabby would go back to the fire house and wait for everyone to come back from the house fire call they had, then her and Matt would go and pick Jamie up from school and bring him back to the fire house. That was all about to change.

Pulling the door open to Matt's truck, she slid in and swung the door closed. As she forced the key into the ignition, the engine turned over before it roared into action. Seconds later, the radio became audible and Gabby froze. It was reporting a crash that had happened about twenty minutes ago. Pulling up her purse, her heart slamming in panic as she listened to the radio and desperately rummaged for her phone. Then she found it, turned it over and turned it on. There were there missed calls from Boden; two from Kelly and one each from Brett and Herrmann. Something had happened and Gabby knew deep down what it was. She tried to push the thought from her head as she was beginning to feel sick. Pressing the dial button to Chief Boden's contact was nerve racking enough. She listened again to the radio. "It has has now been made clear that the lieutenant of the Truck Company had been to taken to hospital in critical condition. The extent of his injuries is unknown at this moment in time but stay tuned for more information about his condition. Now over to Lisa with the traffic in the area of the crash-"

Slamming her palm onto the on/off button of the radio the car fell into silence just as Boden answered the phone. "Gabby thank god." He sounded relieved as he finally got through to her. "Why weren't you answering your phone?"

It took a few seconds for Gabby to calm herself down. She didn't know of it was Matt that was in the crash, after all Boden seemed calm on the phone. She just had to get it together. Talking a deep wavering breath she began. "I didn't take my phone into the district with me. Chief what's going on, I just heard the radio - are you back at the house?" There was a long silence, Gabby's heart rate began to increase. "Chief?"

"Gabby, you need to come to Chicago Med as soon as you can, bring Jamie, Stefan or don't. I just-"

"It was Matt wasn't it?" She asked, her voice so quiet as she focused on the feeling of her heart breaking. This wasn't happening, it can't be!

"He's in critical condition." Boden paused as he waited for her to answer but she didn't, the phone line stayed silent. "Gabby, he's in emergency surgery as we speak."

"Do they think he's going to make it?!" She demanded, interrupting again, as she slammed the truck into gear and pulled away.

"They're not sure, but they wanted his family to be with him, this may be the last chance Jamie, Stefan and yourself see him alive was what Connor said to me - Gabby I'm so sorry."

Starting to feel the tears burn the back of her eyes, the knot in her throat was stopping her replying. Swallowing hard she tried to speak. "I'm on my way, I'm going to get Jamie and we'll be there. Less than ten minutes." She didn't wait for Boden's reply before she put the phone down and threw it back into her purse. Letting the tears stream down her face, she desperately held her breath to stop a sob from escaping her mouth as she raced towards Jamie's school - still unsure what she'd say to him when they saw each other.

 _The call started like any other one. Everyone was back at the house taking, eating breakfast and drinking coffee - a normal morning. I thought back to the conversation that Matt and I had last shift when Herrmann was telling Gabby about what happened at Molly's. Everything was normal. The familiar klaxon called out for us to race out to our trucks and head for the fire but that didn't happen. Thinking back to the last thing I heard Matt say to me before 81 impacted. My heart flew through my throat as I watched the truck slam into the wall. I knew it was bad, I was preparing myself for the whole of the company to be seriously injured but when I saw them moving around in the back my focus was all on Casey. The corner of the building was struck hard by 81's right side, exactly where the lieutenant sits. Deep down I knew that Cruz had done everything in his power to avoid it but it just wasn't enough. I remember how my thoughts began to cloud my focus as i caught Matt's lifeless body when i popped open his side door. I felt sick as i saw the blood that was running down the side of his face. The expression on his face was relaxed and it was the one think that was making me panic the most. He was strong and we all knew that but the fact that he'd already had a bad head injury was enough to make me panic. The only think that i could do was yell. Yelling had always been a way that i dealt with things, it was a bad habit and i knew it, but it was my way of coping. I yelled at him because i was angry at the driver who caused the crash. I was angry because Jamie may not ever have a father to come home to. I was angry that at this moment in time there was nothing that i could do to take his life out of danger. He was slipping away fast right in front of our eyes and it was terrifying. As i spoke to him at the start there were little grunts and sighs as he tried with all his strength to answer my questions but then it all went silent. We got him out eventually, i still cant believe that he was still just hanging on when we got him into the Ambo. As we raced through the streets of the city the cardiac monitor beeps slowly started to spread out and soon, before i knew it, he was coding. He was thrashing around on the gurney as Brett tried her absolute hardest to keep him alive at least until we got him to Med. I heard Danny yell in the radio that they were coming in hot with a critical patient. Time was racing by as i sat helplessly on the bench in the back of the ambulance. Just when Brett got his heart rate back, she had to shock him twice, it returned to normal - we all gave a sigh of relief. As we pulled into the ED driveway he coded again. We all know that its much harder for a person to come back after the second round of shocking. The Ambo pulled up to the doors and i kicked the back of the Ambo open, Brett was straddled across his chest starting CPR as Danny continued to squeeze the bag that was breathing for him. I jogged along side them as Brett and Danny began the handover to the doctors but i still couldn't bring myself to believe that this was all happening. It all felt like a nightmare, that Id wake wake up soon and Matt would be alive and well - that Id walk into the fire house and he'd already be there standing by 81, his incredible smile beaming at me as he said good morning with his clipboard in his hand. I stood in the doors and it all hit me at once. I felt the knot in my throat get tighter as the urge to cry was getting stronger and stronger. Looking at the trauma bay number that Casey had been taken into the severity of his condition hit me like a wave again. As we ran through the doors Maggie had yelled to Dr Choi that Matt had to be taken into 'Baghdad' that was when the real and raw panic had began to set in. Baghdad was reserved for the most life threatening injuries and my best friend, my brother, my fellow lieutenant had been rushed into. The image of his gray face, washed out by the amount of blood he'd lost, was burnt into the forefront of my mind, i was pretty sure that i was going to walk out of this hospital knowing that he had passed away, that i was never going to see him again. That was one of the most scary things. The fact that the last thing id said to him was some stupid, sarky comment and not taken the chance to tell him how much he actually meant to me. Matt was there for me when i lost Shay; he gave me a home and he was always the person who stood by me even if tried to push him away. He was my lifeline after everything that i had been through and there would never be a way for me to pay him back. Yeah sure we had our differences and sure we may not have got on all of the time but he was my brother; i trusted him with my life on a daily basis and if that wasn't enough to tell you how much he meant to me, i don't think that i would be able to do any better. Now that i could hear all the yelling from inside the bay, the whole of the area around me began to fade into one big mumble of sounds. I could hear doctors yelling for equipment and medication and the only word that stood out to me, that brought me back to reality was surgery. The word threw me back in time, back to even before Jamie was born, back when he had his first accident. I remember crystal clear what the doctor said to him. If anything happens like this again, i cant guarantee that you'll make it through like you did this time. When he was told that i knew that he wasn't going to give the CFD up, hes too stubborn for that. However much Gabby tried to make him thin about how serious his injury was, we all knew deep down that he was never going to give up being a firefighter. It was his love, his passion and the one thing that was possibly going to take his life away. I stood there, fight in the middle of the busy ED trying to make sense of the situation, trying to make myself believe that this wasn't happening. However many times i told myself that, it never came true..._

Gabby was walking down the corridors of Jamie's school. It had been a long time since she had ever needed to come to get him from his class like this, the last time she tried not to think about. The time where he collapsed in his classroom and had to be taken to hospital - where he nearly died. She shook it from her head and tried to piece together what she was going to say to her son when she saw him. Of course Jamie was going to be confused in the fact that his mother had come and picked him up early from school; the think was, Gabby was sacred how Jamie would react when she told him that his father was hurt and in hospital. Jamie had never cried before, well not since he was a baby and she was afraid that he may not know how he should deal with the news. Would he just sit there in silence; would he cry uncontrollably, or even would he be angry? She kept telling herself, as she walked down the silent corridors of the school, that coming to get him was the best thing to do. She didn't want to have the heavy burden on her shoulders that she could have had Jamie at the hospital when Matt died. However much it hurt her to think about it she couldn't get the thought out of her head. Matt was the only thing that kept her sane, the one person that was always there for her, no matter what happened, no matter what she did and however she reacted.

As she reached Jamie's classroom the overwhelming urge to cry was coming on her all at once. Leaning up against one of the walls she steadied herself. She didn't want Jamie to see her like this. Gabby took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Through the little window she watched the teacher look up from her laptop and, with a smile, begin to head for the door. After all of the parents evenings that both Matt and Gabby had attended throughout Jamie's school career, the teacher, Miss Askew, seemed pleasantly surprised to see her standing there. It was as if Miss Askew knew that something was wrong, as she opened the door and carefully slid out so she was facing Gabby in the corridor her expression changed. "Miss Dawson, is everything okay?" her voice was steady but full of concern.

Gabby summoned every inch of strength as she opened her mouth to speak, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop a few tears from falling. "Matt, my husband - you know him - has been injured on the job-" she got out just before she had to swallow a sob. "They, they think that this may be the last time that Jamie may be able to see him alive. I checked with the office and they said that it's fine to take him out of class, so, i - errm, i'm here to collect him."

The expression on Jamie's teachers face was the one thing that told Gabby that she was going to be okay. Without saying anything, Miss Askew nodded her head and reentered the room. After hearing a little muffle of sound through the closed door, she turned and pressed her back to the cold stone wall. Opening her eyes, Jamie was standing there, his blue eyes brighter than ever before.

They where standing out in the dimness of the room but the one thing that made Gabby's heart lurch was the fact that, like the way he always had, Jamie was the spitting image of his father.

Without thinking about it, Gabby locked her eyes to her son's as she lowered herself to the floor. She then wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer, tighter into her embrace. As she crouched down and had her arms wrapped round Jamie, the whole situation seemed to hit her like nothing ever before.

The last time Matt had his accident Gabby was there, she was able to help him on the way to the hospital. At this moment in time, Gabby had no idea what had happened - other than the fact that 81 had been in a crash - and she felt, deep down, that she should have been there. That maybe if she hadn't gone to see Antonio at the district then maybe this would never have happened. What if they'd left the firehouse that split second later? What if they'd hit a red light a couple blocks before? What if the driver of the car that swerved was ill today and didn't drive? Thoughts swarmed Gabby's mind as she buried her face closer into her son's neck. The need to cry was so strong now but she was using every ounce of strength to keep herself from showing how she really felt.

Shocked to see his mother in such a way, Jamie straightened up almost immediately as he carefully brought his arms around his mother. The silence of the room was the thing that was telling him that something was wrong. He knew that his mother was one of the strongest women he would ever know, and for her to be like this - rather than the happy and smiley person she usually was - he knew something was very wrong. Clearing his throat, that brought him out of his daydream, he began to speak. "Mum," he said, his voice coming out almost a whisper as it bounced off the cold walls of the hallway. "What's going on? What's happened. I deserve to-" The look that Gabby gave him when she pulled away stopped him from taking in an instant. Looking straight at Jamie, Gabby was the same height as him when she was crouched down, they both stood in silence for a moment as Gabby tired to find the right words. "Is it dad? Mum, please tell me that he's okay. Tell me that you're only here to tell me that everything's okay." He demanded. He seemed so in control of his emotions, so determined to hear the truth from his mother that he was only just letting some emotion slip. "Tell me dad's okay."

Gabby was sure that if she told Jamie the truth that he would be able to handle it, she was one hundred percent sure that he could but she still couldn't bring herself to tell him. Every time she though of Matt lying in a hospital bed, monitors and machines keeping him alive entered her head, the knot in her throat grew tighter. Raising her eyes so that they where strong and narrow, right in line with Jamie's, she reached the small distance between them and cupped his cheeks in her hands. She could feel Jamie's lip quiver just slightly as she looked deep into his eyes, searching them for any other clue to how he was felling, but like his father, he was excellent at hiding his emotions. "Your dad's been in an accident." She had no idea how the words came out, so she just said what really happened. "Jamie, i know that you're scared and worried about everything - because i am to, but we're going to get through this together. All of us. Me, you, uncle Stefan and Antonio as well as everyone from 51. Everything is going to be okay-"

"But what if it's not!" Jamie began to cry. "What if everything's not going to be okay, then what happens?" Gabby was far to shocked to do anything at this moment in time. Jamie hadn't cried in a way like this ever since he was ill with cancer almost four years ago, because of this, she wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation. She didn't know whether to pull him into the tightest hug would make things better or worse. The one thing that kept running through her head was that maybe she was unsure of how to handle the situation, but Matt wouldn't. He was a natural parent, the way that he and Jamie had this bond, the way that Matt could find the route of any one of Jamie's problems. Everyone who knew him needed him now, the one time that they couldn't, the one time that they needed help getting past this rocky patch was the one time that their aid was unavailable...for some, that would be enough to send them over the edge.

 _I remember the first time i met him. It was so gracious and not at all stuck up. He was all smiles and chuckles as he pushed his blonde hair out of his face._

 _I'd had a hard start in life, with the Navy and what-not. I never thought i'd have the chance to meet someone like him, well in my opinion i didn't deserve to. I've been called a lot of thing in my time, a murderer was one that came up a lot, but it never phased me. I did a job that not many people would have the balls to do and that made me feel proud. I was a mess when i was discharged. I'd lost all my men in Afghanistan and in a way, it was my fault. Jason Cole was the one person, back then, that mad me feel loved. After all, i was an 18 year old woman leading a US black-ops team of men to infiltrate and enemy arms base. Not you're everyday job i'll tell you that for free._

 _When i came to Chicago it was a big change for me. I was officially discharged and the likelihood of me returning back to the Navy was so small i almost forgot it was there. I remember my first day at 51 and i will forever. It had just opened, and when i say first opened, i mean me and the other guys who work the same shift as me where the first ones to step foot in the brand new firehouse. 51 was the start of something, a family that i truly felt apart of, one i wanted to be with._

 _As the years went past people flashed in and out of our lives. Matt was engaged to Hallie and i hadn't found anyone who made me feel like he made me feel. He didn't know that i liked him - no one did... I wanted him and him alone. I remember the third shift i had ever worked at 51. I had my service weapon in my hand, that i kept in my locker because it felt strange not having it close to me, and i was ready to end it all - that was when he walked in. I had to quickly hide it before he got the wrong idea, before i pushed him away forever. He sat beside me on the newly installed bench and talked me down. He didn't know it at the time but i did. Of course i knew it at the time but i was in love, clear and simple and i didn't want anyone else. Matthew Casey was the one person that made me feel special, that made me feel like the only girl in the world and it felt strange in a way; having someone that truly cared about me. Now we're 16 years down the road and everything that i know and love may be taken from me. When the call came through that he was in surgery i can't believe that i was able to hold myself together. My whole world collapsed in on itself and i was unsure that i would be able to handle the news, let alone be able to tell Jamie. However, I was his mother and this was one of the duties i owed to him. Coming to his school and telling him what had happened was one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life, so much harder than war. But like his usual gracious self, Jamie took it in his stride. I am so thankful that i have a son like him, who is super sweet but incredibly strong and resilient. No matter what happens, Jamie will always be like Matt, he'll never change and I'm one hundred percent sure of that. That's because he's had a good up bringing, a good life so far and he knows how to behave. Herrmann always sums Jamie up in the most perfect way 'though he may be small, but he'd be mighty inside.' If Jamie's in the room i always see this look of confusion flash across his face; he may not know it yet, but he will do one day. He'll know, eventually, how powerful he is and i can guarantee that one day he's going to make a difference, save someone's life._

 _Now, as we're driving over to the hospital my heart's in my mouth, stopping me from speaking, and the car is completely silent. Jamie's dealing with the news in his own way, he goes quiet when he's scared or worried, but I'm not worried that he won't be able to deal with the sights of his father - it's me that may not be able to handle it._


	2. He is all that Matters - Chapter 2

Stefan's posture was telling Gabby the one thing she needed to know the most in that split second - he was scared. It was clear to everyone that Stefan didn't know Matt as well as everyone else did but he was making a effort. It had been four weeks ago that he had taken the new job in Chicago to be closer to his brother and family. It was a bold move and it showed to the people close to Casey that he was here to stay. It took a certain person to pick up their whole life and move it hundreds of miles across the country, all for one thing - family. Being an Homicide Detective was hard in New York, or so they say, but Chicago was worse. There was always murders on the news at night. That was the price you had to pay for living in the most beautiful city in the whole world. Nothing is ever completely perfect, nothing in the world is perfect enough not to have one flaw, its that one flaw that makes people second guess the right for that object, that thing to be perfect and in some aspects, it's kind of sad.

Gabby was thankful that Stefan had come, she was even more thankful that one of the men where polite enough to call him. Some how having Stefan within touching distance made everything seem less terrifying. It was almost as if Matt was here with them, that his presence was among them and he was here to guide them through the rough patch. It was a thing they all knew he'd do, and the fact that Matt wasn't here to tell them that everything was going to be okay was the thing that was causing the most problems.

Glancing round the room she could feel the team looking at her. She didn't care. She didn't care that tears where streaming down her face; that she was now holding Jamie's little hand so tightly to make herself feel like she was able to do this, to make everything seem like it was okay. She just didn't care. Without even thinking about it, Gabby began to lower herself to the floor.

Jamie's naturally bright blue eyes were dimmed by his emotions, but still searching hers for answers to questions he'd never even consider asking. All he was concentrating on was not letting his eyes leek the tears that where burning at the back of his throat. He wanted to cry like nothing he'd ever felt before. He wanted to run into his father's arms and be held in such a loving hug it blocked out all the bad things in life. The fact that he knew he never could do that was enough by its self to make anyone want to cry. Not closing his eyes until his mother's arms where wrapped around him, he rested his chin on her shoulder and silently let the tears slide down his face. He made not a single sound as the knot in the depths of his throat tied itself tighter and tighter, even if he had wanted to speak he wouldn't been unable to. The busy sounds of the ED all seemed to fade to a faint hum before finally it was silent. Jamie let his mind wander as time slowed down.

"Jamie, come on Monkey you can do it!" Matt yelled, a big smile on his face, as he held out his hands in case his son fell.

"Dad i can't do it!" Jamie replied as he stood on the ledge of the wooden climbing frame, both hands gripping tightly to the handles to his sides. The monkey bars seemed further to go and most certainly higher from up here. Only being brave enough to let one hand go, Jamie brought it up and adjusted his hat so it was further down over his head. Meeting eyes with his father, the nerves seemed to subside slightly; Jamie knew that his father would do everything to keep him out of any type of danger. Deep down he knew he was safe, he just needed to keep telling himself that.

Matt saw that Jamie was scared. He watched him for a moment, a smile still on his face as he watched his son try and combat his fears. Jamie was strong and he knew that, and when the time was right he knew that Jamie could do anything that he put his mind to; like every child, they needed to do it on their own to really feel like they'd accomplished something and this was exactly what Jamie was going through. Matt took a deep breath and watched a white cloud escape from his mouth as he exhaled. Meeting Jamie's eyes he walked in his direction; within a few seconds Matt was stood in front of his son and looking up to him because of the platform Jamie was standing on. He reached up and placed his gloved hands on Jamie's sides - they where padded out because of the coat his son was wearing. "I know that you're scared Monkey." He started softly as Jamie leaned forwards, expectant that his father would catch him. Like Jamie anticipated, he slid right into his father's arms and rested his head against Matt's shoulder. "You'll do it next time, i promise."

"What if i never have the confidence to do it?" Jamie asked sheepishly as he lifted his head and met eyes with his father.

"Oh don't be like that Monkey," Matt smiled as he pushed Jamie's scarf closer to his neck to keep out the harsh Chicago cold. "As i said, you'll do it next time and i will be the proudest dad in the park when you do!"

Hope flickered in Jamie's eyes as he imagined how he would feel after he made his dad feel so happy. A happy smile slid onto his face, "Dad, can i ask you something?" he asked as Matt lifted Jamie up onto his shoulders, making sure that he had his son's hands in his at every moment.

"Of course you can Monkey." Matt replied happily as he headed out of the park and over the snowy grass towards the path. "Never feel like you can't talk to me or your mother okay." He felt Jamie nod his head.

"Is it hard being a dad?" He asked innocently.

It took a few seconds for Matt to realize what he had been asked. With a little chuckle he knew exactly how to answer. "You have to make a lot of sacrifices." He started. "Some people aren't out for the job and that's sad because it leaves children like you with no father to look after them. What they don't realize is what they're missing out on." Matt continued to try and lighten the mood. "So in answer to your question Jamie, I want to say sometimes. Sometimes it's hard, but most of the time it's the best thing anyone could ever do. Me personally? I love it."

"You're good at it." Jamie interrupted with a little giggle, instantly feeling slightly shy.

"Oh i am, am i?" Matt laughed along as he walked up to the edge of The Bean, Jamie still sat on his shoulders.

"Thank you for being the best daddy ever." Jamie whispered as he leaned forward and rested his chin on his father's head.

The constant shade of white scared me. I didn't know if i was dead or alive. I couldn't hear a thing and i was terrified. The split second before we impacted was in my head like a stuck record; running over and over again as if it was trying to remind me of what i had left behind. I'd read books about people seeing things after they died, thinking that they where in different worlds or something. When you feel as alone as i do now, i can see what they where talking about. I remember a book i read where a man was in a car crash and he lived the day over and over again and it really made me think. I mean the main aspect of the book was incredibly intelligent but it still made me think. It spoke about a lot of things; how he felt when he died, what he'd tell his family before he left for work in the morning and most interesting part was when he talked about what he'd do differently. I know exactly what i'd do if I had the chance. I would have stayed at home and not gone to shift that day. Gabby and i didn't have to go back to work the day the accident happened, we could have just stayed on our 'honeymoon' vacation. I would have told Gabby and Jamie how much i loved them and told with them with the most emotion and truth i could muster, and i would've held them in the tightest embrace for as long as i could.

Things are different now. I have no idea if I'm dead or alive and I can't feel anything; not my arms, my legs - i can't even feel my body and I can only imagine how I am making my friends and family feel. I hate everything about this and I can't help but blame myself, even though I know I did nothing towards the accident happening. But then again I think about that I should've been keeping a look out rather then talking to Kelly on the radio; that I should've told Cruz that there was a car coming. Joe must be kicking himself now - how did I put him in this situation?!

I tried to not think about it and I let my mind wander, Jamie was the first thing to come into my head. His bright blue eyes and dirty blonde hair always made me smile. He was the one thing in my life that made me feel like I had purpose. He was the reason I got up in the morning because he needs me. The thing that makes me laugh every time I think about it is that he needs me but he has no idea how much I need him. Jamie is my everything and I'm just so lucky to have a son that is incredibly adorable as well as intelligent and single-minded and a delight to be around. He is my biggest achievement and I know it. Now I'm thinking about the lengthy talks Gabby and I would have over how lucky we where that we had him. We knew that he was special as soon as he was born - although Gabby and I where having issues in our relationship during the time he was younger, but when the cancer came we managed to get our act together and sorted out our differences. During that time I was terrified. I tried not to let my family see it but I still hate to think about it. It's any parents nightmare to be told that their child is as ill as Jamie was and the fact he nearly died from the symptoms that the cancer caused was the most frightening. I can picture it now; my three year old son as white as a bed sheet connected up to all the machines in the room. I remember holding Gabby tight as she cried as she looked into the room our son was in as Dr Halstead and his team had to resuscitate him after he'd coded. We weren't allowed into see him until they where sure that Jamie was so close to the end that they couldn't do anything more to save him; this was when Jamie being Jamie gave us the biggest shock of our lives. He came back from the dead in the simplest terms of phrase and after the ten seconds, even through it felt like an eternity, slowly started to wake up. First his heart started beating on its own; then we saw his little chest slowly start to rise and fall, finally he opened his eyes and it was like everything was going to be okay. I can tell you now, I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't have made it. I try not to think about it most of the time but sometimes, in the quiet moments, I can't quite help myself. I love him like you won't believe and if I really am dead - I hope he does what he thinks is right in the world and makes me proud like he does everyday; I want him to look after my beautiful wife, like I know he will, and most of all - I want him to be happy.

Stefan had taken time way from Severide as he needed to clear his head. He'd got the news at work, just before he was about to go away from the office so it was lucky that Herrmann had called his work phone when he did. Stefan kept running that sequence of events through his head because if he hadn't got to the phone when he did, he may not have been made aware of the fact that his brother was in such a state. Making his way to the hospital was the most nerve wracking thing he'd ever done in his life - he wasn't sure if Matt was going to be alive when he reached the ED or not. It was lucky though that when he came running through the Chicago Med ED doors the whole house (apart from Gabby) was there. Most of them had a distant look on their faces, Stefans initial though that they where still in shock after what happened.

"Stefan." Came a voice pulling him from his thought track. "Hey buddy, how you holding up?" It took a second for him to realize who was talking to him but slowly her brown hair came into view.

Now alert and fully aware, Stefan corrected his posture and answered the question. "Hey Jess!" He stuttered trying to find his words. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

Raising an eyebrow to make it seem clear that she didn't believe him, she second guessed herself as she took a deeper look at her partner. He seemed different, not the usually exuberant Detective she had grown to have a strong friendship with - the detective she had begun to care about. Like his brother, Stefan had a certain amount of energy that never seemed to end. No matter what they told you, you had to guess if they where actually that exited or if they where trying to make other people dismiss the fact that inside they where hurting. After working the arson case back in the winter with Gabby, Jess had spent a lot of time round their house working on the case file and she had begun to see the way that Matt worked and thought. This wasn't because she was deliberately trying to be nosy and try to figure out how Matt did stuff but she couldn't quite help herself due to the nature of her training in the CPD. This had become extremely helpful now she was working with Stefan. Sometimes she would stop and think about how similar Matt and Stefan where. For two brothers that hadn't know each other for over 35 years it was incredible to see the ways in which they worked in similar ways. Matt was more shy out of the two of them and slightly more reserved, but Stefan too at some points. However, they where both natural born leaders and it was clear that they both wanted to make a difference in the community by the jobs they'd chosen. "Have the doctors said anything?" She asked quietly as she glanced over to the rest of the fire house and over to Gabby, who was fighting back the tears, as she was talking to Severide.

Stefan took a deep weary breath as he rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat. "He's still in emergency surgery." He breathed out. "None of us are sure how he's doing and its been hours. I'm worried about him just as much as everyone else but right now," he flicked his eyes over to Gabby, "I'm worried more about Gabby and Jamie."

"She's handling it." Jess said softly as she put her hand on Stefan's arm, she felt him tense before he realized that she was trying to comfort him. "And Jamie is strong as anything. We all know tha-"

"He was standing there crying!" Yelled making everyone around them look in their direction. He scanned the room to see that it wasn't just the hospital staff that had looked round to see what had happened it was the whole of 51 as well. Stefan knew that he was making a fool of himself but he couldn't stop the way he was feeling. His body was full of anger because they all knew that Casey was the one they turned to when things got this bad, and now that he wasn't there for them to talk to everyone was suffering in come way. "He was trying to hide it but he was crying!" It came out as more of a squeak this time.

Now holding onto his arm, Jess dragged him round the corner so that they had a little privacy. She was heartbroken for the way he must have been feeling at that moment but he was making everyone more anxious. She made the decision, for everyone's benefit that talking Stefan down away from the rest of the already worried fire house team was probably the best idea. "You gotta stop this Stef!" she exclaimed trying to make him listen to her. "You're out there loosing your cool when even Jamie is able to sit there, however he's feeling, and he can keep his thoughts to himself. He's six years old for Gods sake!"

"You don't think I know that!?" He hissed before he turned and rested his head on the cold wall. "I am trying to keep my cool but Jess, it's harder than it looks."

"You don't think I know that?" She huffed placing her hands on her hips. Before she had a chance to carry on, there was a commotion that came from round the corner where the waiting area was situated. After sharing a glance with each other, both Jess and Stefan hurried round to see what was happening.

Just as Stefan stepped into the room and saw what was happening, his body refused to move. Rage flared up inside him and he was afraid that if he followed Jess towards the situation that was unfolding in front of him, he may regret everything. Nancy had just come hurrying into the ED, stopped suddenly by Severide as he tried to stop her from kicking off in front of everyone. Like everyone else that was involved with the crash, he was still trying to get to grips with what had happened and Nancy coming and showing her face was all they needed. The whole firehouse was aware of the relationship Matt had with his mother and they chose not to bring it up whenever any newbie asked. However, all the feelings the team had towards her now where ready to be unleashed as the tension in the waiting room was so high.

"Nancy, what're you doing here?" Severide asked, his voice raspy from shouting at the men during Caseys extraction, but it sounded tired as well. The thought flashed over his mind and he dismissed it with a shudder. Kelly knew that Gabby would've handled the situation if it came to it, but as he looked at her it was clear that she was running low on energy. He didn't blame her at all for it. After all, she did have Jamie to think about as well as the heavy weight that was now sat squarely on her shoulders. Taking his eyes off her he moved over so he was standing in front Nancy and the rest of the fire house, he tried to calm her down.

"What's happening, I want to see my son! I heard what happened and I-"

"You know as much as us at the moment!" Severide raised his voice as he tried to make Nancy listen to him. Most of the firefighters that where sat quietly, waiting for news to come from Dr Rhodes - who was currently performing the surgery on their lieutenant - but now they had all raised themselves to their feet to almost prepare incase anything kicked off. Although they had the upmost respect for Nancy at this moment in time because of who she was to the beloved member of the fire house family, they still all had the same feeling. That was that Gabby and Jamie had, and would always, have a better right to see Matt when he came out of surgery than she did.

"Is my Matthew going to be okay?!" She cried as she held onto Severide's bloody shirt whilst looking over his shoulder to look deeper into the hospital.

"Your Matthew?!" A voice spluttered as it grew closer. Out of the corner of her eye Nancy could see a body moving closer to her at speed. "What right do you think you have here?!" The voice yelled.

Now knowing what who it was by forcing herself to remember the voice, Nancy let go of Severide, who gave a relieved sigh that she wasn't hanging onto her anymore, and turned to speak to the person who was coming at her. "Stefan, sweetie-"

"No Ma don't!" He dismissed as he reached her. "Don't come barging in here expecting to see him when everyone here has a better right than you do."

"I'm his mother!" She tried to argue, her son making her more panicked and angry than she already was.

"Yeah and I'm his brother. You're the mother that is never here for him. You're never here for either of us and you come here expecting to see him first!" Stefan's voice raised as his anger went though the roof. He was getting all his anger out on not the most attractive way but it was doing the job. All of the tension he had built up over the past few hours was all being let out - it was making him feel warn out and dazed but he kept going. "You had a chance Ma, you had a chance to put all this right but you didn't. You carried on drinking and pushed him away further. You're a grandmother and you never see you're grandson because of the way you treated Matt, and now you're blaming that on us."

"Stefan." Gabby said quietly even though she meant for if to come out with force. "Don't do this, not now." She sounded tired, like she was ready to give up. She wasn't looking at him, her eyes where fixed in her exhausted son who was sitting in the chair next to Herrmann - his head rested on his shoulder.

Deciding that Gabby was right, Nancy didn't deserve the attention, he came to the conclusion to give up on ranting at her. He had also come to the conclusion that she wasn't worth it so he rubbed his hand though is hair and made his way over to the empty seat next to Jamie. Looking up and giving a tired smile, his nephew shifted in his seat and rested his head against Stefan's shoulder. Herrmann gave an appreciative nod as he acknowledged that Stefan had tried to defend Matt, and Stefan gave a polite nod back.

The room was left in silence for the next few moments but it was interrupted when Dr Rhodes made an entrance into the waiting room. Gabby looked up and after she realised what this meant she propelled herself up and walked quickly towards him. While this was happening, Stefan lightly woke Jamie and instantly the little boy was awake as he looked over to see his mother talking to Connor. Moments later Gabby looked round as she folded her arms over her chest and let her head hang as Rhodes gave the news to the rest of the team. "He has a few broken ribs; a broken leg so physically he's more or less fine. It's the epidural hepatoma that we're all worried about." He turned to Gabby. "I understand that this was what he had last time," she gave a weak nod. "This time it is a lot worse due to that. He is currently in a coma however that isn't medically induced as some of you may know so we can't exactly pin point when he will wake up." Rhodes took a deep breath. "It should be within the coming week but as I said, we are just going to have to see how it goes."

"Can we see him?" Gabby blurted out as Connor finished.

With a small smile he nodded and gestured for him to follow her. Hesitating before she followed him, Gabby turned and gave her son a smile before she held out her hand. "Monkey, you coming?" She asked trying to sound happy, even after the news she'd just been given.

Walking down the hallway towards Matt's room was scary. Gabby didn't know how what he would look like and if Jamie would be okay. When they reached the door Connor pushed it open and held it open while Gabby walked in hand in hand with Jamie. What she hadn't expected was for Jamie to stop as he took it all in. Concentrating to much on her son, Gabby hadn't even looked at her husband who was laying silently on the bed in front of her. Jamie let go of his mothers hand and slowly made his way over to his father's bed. Acting on instinct he climbed up onto the chair and carefully made his way onto the bed. Unable to hold it back any longer. Jamie laid down in the small space between his motionless father and the edge of the bed and rested he's head gently on his shoulder. As the urge to cry was coming to him stronger and stronger with every second that passed, he tried to do the thing that Matt always did to him when he was scared or frightened. So Jamie leaned up on his shoulder and touched his lips to his father's temple. It came out as a whisper because of the knot that was in his throat but Jamie fought back with everything he had to stop himself from crying. "You're going to be okay dad." He whispered into the silence of the room. "I love you."


	3. The thought of you - Chapter 3

Hi guys, as some of you may be aware I am going on holiday to Greece for two weeks on the 8th of August. This means that this will be the last chapter I post before I go away - this is so I have a chapter written and ready for you guys that I can quickly post. I hope you're all having a great summer and don't forget to vote and comment telling me what you thought of the chapter also, like I've been doing on Instagram - leave your comment as usual, then put #team[and add your favourite character] - this will help for future storylines? ﾟﾘﾏ

Love you all,

Freya ❤️

"How is he?" Natalie Manning asked and she came up behind Gabby and put her arm around her shoulder.

Gabby had spend a short amount of time in Matt's room as soon as they where aloud in, Jamie on the other hand was completely the opposite. He hadn't left his father's side in the whole time he had been in the room. Although he hadn't been talking, more or less as soon as they saw him, Jamie laid beside Matt and fell asleep with his head on his father's shoulder. Gabby didn't blame him, it was a long day and she knew deep down he wouldn't sleep until he was with him. Gabby was staring though the plastic window, that separated the room where her husband lay silently and the hustle and bustle of the corridor, and tiredly watched her son sleep peacefully beside him. "You're the doctor, you tell me." Gabby replied quietly. She knew she sounded blunt but it was times like this when she just didn't care.

"We're all hopeful Gabby." She sighed as she rubbed her hand up and down Gabby's back. "He's gunna pull through and you and Jamie are going to have him back."

"But what if he doesn't." She whispered as she tired with everything she had to fight back the tears that where burning the back of her eyes. She hadn't cried at all after the moment she found out what had happened. She was pretty sure that it was down to the fact that Jamie was with her and she hated when he saw her upset. She hated it because she knew that he shouldn't have to see her like that, and it annoyed her that she wasn't able to control her emotions one hundred percent of the time.

"He's going to make it through and you know that." Dr Manning smiled as she spoke to try and make Gabby feel less worried. "Why don't you go in there, and be with him and Jamie?"

Gabby turned around finally so she was able to look at her. "I can't, I can't see him like that." She whispered as she tried to stop the tears from coming. "Just all the cuts on his face and the bruises, I just-"

"Hey, come here." Natalie exclaimed as she pulled Gabby in for a tight hug. "He's going to be okay!" She could feel Gabby shaking as she let her guard down slightly; her emotions slowly starting to leak out. Although she wasn't sobbing, Natt knew she was crying. It was good that she was letting out her emotions. Suddenly a beep came from Natalie's pocket and it made Gabby retract from her position next to her. "Look I gotta go." She said as she began to walk away. "How about you try and get some sleep, you look like you need it." turned and headed down the corridor before she diverted down one of the many corridors.

Gabby knew she was right, what everyone was saying was right but that didn't mean she had to listed to them. The pit she was feeling at the bottom of her stomach was the one thing that was stopping her from going back into the room. She had an overwhelming feeling that this whole accident was her fault, that she should've been there when it happened instead of being at the District with Antonio, she should've been with her husband. It angered her that she wasn't there to save his life because of he wouldn't have made it, she never would've been able to say goodbye and that she loved him more than anything.

Gabby lifted her eyes from the floor and looked through the window at her family. Her whole body felt like it was getting heavier as she thought of how Jamie must be feeling. It made her feel horrible as she thought about it because Jamie was the most beautiful and precious child she'd ever known, and she was so proud that she was his mother. He was strong, single minded, intelligent and the care and compassion he held for all of the people close to him was incredible for a boy of his age. Everyone knew that Jamie was special, that he wasn't like other children in his age group and in some ways it made people respect him more. Jamie was trusted in more ways than people knew by Matt and Gabby, and the fact that he didn't act like a spoilt only child, even though he didn't have any siblings, was part of his gracious nature.

Jamie looked so peaceful as he slept with his head rested in Matt's shoulder. When they entered the room for the first time, still clutching his mothers hand, Jamie stopped and took in the sight. Matt was lying motionlessly in the bed with a bandage wrapped round his head and arm because of the lacerations he had accumulated; his right leg was bound in a white cast and rested lightly on top of the blanket that was laid gently on top of him. Although you couldn't see it, there was a big purple bruise covering the whole of the left side of his chest because of the amount broken ribs he had. This was all on top of his blood stained face that was littered with small, and some large, cuts that had been caused by the glass that had smashed on impact.

The corridor was eerily quiet now and at this very moment, Gabby had never felt so alone. She knew that she could go back to the waiting room and be with the rest of the team, but the silence seemed slightly comforting. She let her mind wander as she briefly closed her eyes and prayed that she'd be able to see Matt's bright blue eyes and his phenomenal smile once more; also that she would have the chance once more to tell him how much he really meant to her.

The fire house was the quietist it's had ever been in the sixteen years it'd been open. The Squad members where out sitting at their table, some skim reading the fire fighter magazines to look like they where doing something even though their minds where else where. Some of them were cleaning out the tools, again for something to do. However, Severide hadn't left his office for anything other than a call, which the first one of the shift hadn't appeared. The whole team hadn't wanted to ask him what was wrong because they where all on the same page. It was the first shift back after the accident and everyone had returned back to work. Rightly, Gabby had been given leave so she could be with Matt and Jamie, and so Brett had taken charge of Ambulance 61. Danny was still the candidate on 61 but over the recent weeks she had really been stepping up to the plate and proving herself. Brett had slowly begun to trust her and now with Gabby off, Sylvie felt comfortable with Santiago working alongside her. However, when they returned to 51 after the accident, cleaning out the back of the Ambo was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. As Brett and Danny scrubbed the floor, which was drenched in blood and covered with bright read gauze and packaging, Brett's mind wandered back to when she had been kidnapped and Matt came and saved her. Ever since then she had felt like she'd owed him this debt that she knew she would never be able to fulfil. But still this was her driving urge to help Matt fight for his life in back of the Ambo to Med; that on top of the fact that she knew Gabby and Jamie needed him - as well as the whole fire house.

Herrmann arrived outside Chief Boden's office after a slow walk from the common room. It seemed like no one had the energy for work today because everyone's thoughts where on Matt also to the fact that everyone was at the hospital until late. The common room was silent, apart from the TV that was quietly broadcasting the news into the room. That was the strangest thing out of this whole ordeal. 51 was a hustling and busting house that never stopped, it had a reputation for being the busiest house in the city, as well as having a brilliant hands-on chief and two superior lieutenants.

"Christopher, come in." Boden called as he stood up from his desk. He made his way round to the front and perched on the edge as Herrmann came in.

"You wanted to see me Chief?" He said quietly, only then raising his eyes to meet Boden's.

Chief picked up on the fact that Herrmann, the usually exuberant fire fighter and friend was suddenly so quiet. "How's everyone doing?" He asked. "More importantly how are you doing?"

Herrmann sighed as brought his and up to his face and ran his fingers though his short grey hair. "I'm not the one you should be worrying about." He said as he took a seat in the leather chairs in front of the chief.

"What do you mean?" Boden asked as he walked slowly over to the chair beside Herrmann and took a seat. "If you all need some more time you all know that you could've stayed at home."

"Yeah, we know." Chris sighed as he sat back in the chair and crossed his legs. "And you should be worrying about Cruz and Severide if you want my honest opinion. Cruz to the majority because he's blaming himself for the accident even though we all know that it wasn't his fault. He's just telling himself that if Casey doesn't make it, it'll be down to him."

"No charges are being pressed and the cameras are telling us that it was indeed an accident. He needs to get it out of his head. I'm sure that Severide's fine, he just is taking a bit of time to get over what he saw."

"You're right chief." Herrmann said now pushing himself up off the chair so he was standing and looking down at Boden. "But he did pull Matt's lifeless body out of that truck and watched his best friend code twice on the way to the hospital." He was starting to feel the rage and upset rise up his body. "We first responders have this image in the public eye that when it comes to accidents and fires, and we loose victims that we handle it like when a fly dies. No, you know as well as I do it affects us, even more when it's one of our own, our own lieutenant- the person we turn to when anything bad happens - gets injured and we're expected to deal with it silently!" He yelled, not caring that he was shouting at one of his oldest friends, even though he was his chief.

"There is help available and you all know that." Boden sighed. He knew that Herrmann was upset and so he decided to play it carefully around him. They all knew how much Matt meant to this fire house, now he was fighting for his life in a hospital bed was the last thing a group of firefighters needed. "If you don't feel like you can talk to a professional then you know you can talk to me." He said warmly.

"Yeah we know." Herrmann answered bluntly as he turned and headed for the office door.

"Herrmann." Boden said sharply making his friend look round. "I've got to tell you that Replacement Lieutenant Will Grover will be here in fifteen minutes. I know it's going to be hard but please make him feel welcome."

"Just like that," Herrmann spat. "Just like that you're dismissing any thought of Matt being in the hospital. He's fighting for his life and you don't seem to care!" He exclaimed as his anger was finally released.

"I'm trying to run my fire house-"

"So? Matt is a lieutenant in your firehouse! I don't care that you're two ranks above me. My boss, and friend is all I'm worried about at the moment, and if you expect me to be nice to that Jagoff of a lieutenant, one that is half the lieutenant Matt will ever be, even at his worst, you've got another thing coming." Herrmann said before he stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

"Squad 3 - Truck 95 assist Lake street and Michigan." The klaxon called out over the sound of the TV, that was still the only thing that was giving the room any sound.

The Squad team jumped up off their seats by the table on the apparatus floor and jogged over towards the rig. Severide was the last to come out of the house. His shoulders where slouched and he didn't seem like he was in much of a hurry. Tony and the rest of the unit was waiting expectantly when Kelly climbed onto the cab, because he didn't say anything, they pulled away into the traffic and the lights and sirens sparked into action.

When Squad arrived on the scene, the person that had caused the accident was instantly identifiable. Severide felt anger flair up inside him, the same as it did whenever he thought about the driver who caused 81 to crash. Just able to keep his temper in check, he jumped out of the cab of the Squad rig as it came to a stop. "Tony, Capp, Newhouse I need the jaws and cribbing!" He shouted over the sound of the Truck Company already working their jaws and equipment. He turned to Clarke, " recon - I wanna know who's dead or alive in that other car, and also tell 95 that if they need anything, just radio over!"

"You got it lieutenant!" Clarke shouted as he sprinted over to the car that 95 where working on.

After ordering his men to their stations he continued over to the victim while his team worked around him. "Hi, what's your name?"

"Jack, Jack Pitcher!" Jack growled through the pain with his teeth gritted.

"I'm lieutenant Severide, we're gunna get you out of here okay?" The man nodded as he braced his hands on the steering wheel. He held it so tight his knuckles were white. "So what happened here then?" He asked trying to calm the victim down.

"He just, he just came out of nowhere!" Jack replied through sharp shallow breaths - he was obviously in pain.

"It's ok, we're going to get you out!" Kelly shouted over the groan of the jaws as they separated the metal of the door. As the door eased off the man's leg he screamed out in pain, making Severide react quickly. There was something obviously wrong and they had to stop immediately before they put the victim in any more danger. "Yo Capp, we nearly there?!" He yelled trying to get his attention. "Capp!" Even though he was doing something, Capp still couldn't hear him over the noise of the tool, so in frustration, Severide stormed over to Capp's side and dragged him away from the door; the jaws clattering against the sidewalk. "What the hell are you doing?!" He shouted. "Are you doing it on purpose or something?!"

"Lieutenant, I-"

"No, I don't want to hear it. Pop the door and we're going," Kelly shouted as he headed back towards the squad rig as Tony took Severide's place at the victims side. "95 can take the rest of this - they've got it handled and we obviously don't."

The ride back to the fire house was a silent one. After the show Severide had given on the call sight earlier, everyone knew that something was affecting him. Well, they all knew what it was but did they dare ask him. When they reached the fire house, there was a car parked across the entrance where Squad 3 was usually parked. The already angered lieutenant was ready to explode as he shoved open the cab door; jumped out and stalked towards the main building of the fire house.

"Lieutenant, we can just leave it here!" Tony called as he leaned out through the open window of the Squad rig.

"No, I'm not leaving it out here." He shouted as he turned and started walking backwards. "It friggin' shouldn't be there in the first place!" Walking past the empty Squad table, he used his shoulder to barge through the common room doors. As he raised his eyes from the floor, he instantly stopped walking and he felt the anger flair up inside him again. This time it was for a genuine reason rather than just because he was irritated. "You've got to be joking me!" He said loud enough so the person he was talking about turned around and looked at him.

"Ahhh, long time no see lieutenant!" Lieutenant Will Grover stated as he moved his coffee mug away from his lips.

"You know what," Kelly said as he turned and headed back for the door.

Grover was in Matt and Kelly's academy class back when they all started. As their training period came to an end, Kelly was shoved off the ariel ladder by Grover. This brought on the friendship between Kelly and Matt because Casey was the one that saved Severide from plummeting four stories.

"What do I know Kelly?" Grover asked with an aggressive tone as he made his way towards Kelly. "I do know that I'm here because you couldn't pull Matt out of that fire truck quick enough-"

"That's it!" Kelly shouted as he turned on his heal. Within seconds he had his hand round Grover's throat and was yelling in his face. "You have NO right to bring Matt up like that! He is more of a hero than you'll ever be!" His voice rose as the men tried to pull them apart. "He is more of a man than you'll ever be. He saved my ass after you stupidity shoved me off, all for what, a quicker practice time?"

"Kelly get off him!" Danny yelled as she helped the rest of the team pull the two lieutenants apart.

"And don't you ever call him by is first name again." He spat. "You're not his friend and you never will be. You're just lucky we didn't get you pulled out of the Academy for that stunt."

"Maybe you should've," Grover started as soon as Kelly let go of him. "Maybe you should've because then I wouldn't be her taking Casey's spot on 81. We all know he's never going to wake up and it's all your -"

"Get out!" Kelly roared as he lunged for him again but Herrmann and the rest of the the team held him back.

"You know what, I think I'm going to go and put my feet up on his desk and look at that lovely picture of his wife." Grover's eyes were wide open as he taunted Kelly. He knew what damage he was psychologically but he couldn't quite help himself. "And I might have a lay down where he's probably made Love to her..."

"I'll kill you!" Kelly shouted as Herrmann and Cruz began to drag him towards the bunk room. "I'll kill you!"

The room was silent as soon as Kelly was dragged out. Grover went over and took up residence in Matt's chair, with an authoritative smog hanging around him, and the whole team didn't take their eyes off him.

"Can I ask what you're doing?" Mouch began with a questioning tone. "That's the lieutenant's chair."

"Who do you think I am?" Grover exclaimed angrily standing up and moving so violently he sent the chair flying back. Cruz only was just able to pull Herrmann back so the chair didn't fly into him as they entered the room. "I am the lieutenant from now until Casey comes back so you'll do what I say." Grover looked Mouch right in the eye. "I think the showers need a good scrub."

"I'm not the candidate." Mouch spat, unheard of because of his naturally sheepish nature. Disgusted with the way that the replacement lieutenant was treating them, he walked back up the the aisle of the common room and grabbed a magazine.

With as sly glance, Lieutenant Grover spitefully carried on. "You really think I'd bad mouth your poor injured lieutenant any more. I'm not a savage." He called after him. "You will listen to me, you hear me?"

With a huff, Herrmann rolled his eyes and headed out of the room after Mouch. He was the followed by Cruz who was shanking his head as he exited the room. Grover was suddenly left all alone in the silence of the common room, still trying to make sense of what had just happened. He knew that 51 was a tight knit house and that it would be hard to get into the circle of trust that they all had with each other. However, he was the lieutenant and he was all for using his higher rank to push his way among them.

The news had spread through most of the firehouses in the city. A truck crash isn't a usual occurrence and so most people knew through word of mouth. 51 was receiving multiple visits from other Truck and Squad companies that felt obligated to come and give their best wishes, and condolences for the injured lieutenant. But in ways it kept rubbing salt in the wounds of the rest of the firefighters that worked at the house. This was because they where already suffering, most mentally but some physically from the accident, and with the constant reminder of what happened, things where getting bad...

After the whole Grover situation, Kelly had thought it was a good idea for Squad (but mostly himself) to take a break from the tense atmosphere of 51. His head was in a bad place and the rest of the team knew that. He knew where he wanted to be, it was the same place where everyone wanted to be - at the hospital with Gabby and Jamie, so they could check on Matt.

Severide walked quickly up the though the main entrance of the hospital, and straight over to the bank of elevators that took you to all floors of the hospital. He knew where he was going, the there was only one place that Matt would be - the ICU. Walking there with a strong desire, Kelly turned the corner and instantly saw Gabby standing outside Matt's room. "Gabby!" He called, the pit in his stomach instantly closing as he saw her.

He watched her turn round and give a small smile. She looked tired and warn out because of the dark circles under her eyes. "Hey Kelly." She said in a quiet voice as he reached her and instantly pulled her in for a hug.

"How's he doing?" He asked as he released her but still kept his arm round her shoulders as they both turned and looked through the window. Inside Stefan was sitting beside Matt's bed with Jamie close to Matt's feet, his legs crossed and his head down fiddling with the blanket.

"Same as he was yesterday, and the day before, and the one before tha-"

"Gabby, have you not been in there?" He asked now dropping his arm and looking her in the eyes. He knew something was up, that she was acting differently.

She held his eye contact for a moment before she let it fall to the floor and shook her head. "No." She replied quickly before she had to swallow to stop a sob from bubbling up her throat. "Just every time I see him like that I-"

"Hey, hey it's okay!" Kelly exclaimed as pulled her into his arms once again. "He's going to be okay but I don't understand why you don't want to be in they with him; he's you're husband and he needs-"

"You don't think I've heard that from everyone who knows me?" She exclaimed shoving Kelly away, tears now streaming down her face. "You don't think I want to be in there with him. You don't know the half of it Kelly and you never will! Matt is so close to the edge with this one and I'm scared he's not going to make it through. His skull is cracked more now because it couldn't heal properly after his last accident and I don't know what to do!" Her voice was raising and raising. She didn't care who saw her, even though she knew Stefan and Jamie where staring at her through the window. "I'm scared Kelly. I'm scared that I'm never going to be able to speak to him again, that I won't be able to tell him how much I love him. I need him, more than any of you know and it hurts me to see him like this. He's in so much pain and i wouldn't wish that on anyone. I've been in a situation something like Matt and it isn't nice. I'm terrified of loosing him." She finished with a whisper before she met his eyes and walked off past him.

Kelly knew that she was upset and deep down he knew he should've gone after her but at a time like this, she needed her space. Through the window, Jamie had been watching what had happened and he now had a pale complexion. Severide watched as he saw Stefan trying to talk to the little boy, but still Jamie's eyes where locked onto Kelly's. With a slight nod of his head, Kelly signalled for Jamie that it was okay for him to come out of the room. So with one quick glance to his father, Jamie pushed himself off the bed and walked towards the door that lead out into the corridor. As soon as he stepped out, Jamie shut the door quietly and slowly made his way over to Kelly.

"Hey Kelly." He said quietly as Severide lifted him up into the air.

"Hi little one." He replied as be rubbed Jamie's hair making the little boy smile. "How are you doing?"

It took Jamie a second to reply, Kelly could tell his mind was elsewhere and seeing him slightly dazed was very different to how he usually was. "I'm okay. I've been sitting in with Daddy for a while, while he was asleep."

"That's good then, how are you feeling about all this." Kelly asked holding Jamie just a little bit tighter. "You're being amazing and your mummy is so proud of you."

As he wriggled as a signal to Kelly that he wanted to be put down. As Jamie's feet reached the floor; Jamie took a step away and all of a sudden, his curious blue eyes didn't look quite so blue. They did what Matt's did, thinking about Matt made Severide's throat close up, they changed colour slightly with his emotions. "I don't feel brave." Jamie whispered as he finally moved back to Kelly and wrapped his arms tightly around his neck.

"Hey Jamie, listen to me." Severide started as he pulled away and looked at the child that he loved like his own son. "I know that you're scared, because truthfully I am, but sometimes the only way to be brave, is to pretend to be braver than you feel deep down here," Kelly pointer to his heart. " and you're doing such a great job at doing that."

"I'm just worried about my dad." He started as he buried his face into Kelly's shoulder. "Mummy is worried and I know it and she never gets worried. She hasn't even been in to see him!" Jamie was obviously distraught over the whole ordeal and it was understandable, he was a six year old dealing with problems an adult would struggle with. Kelly was just scared that he was being cast to the side as his mother dealt with her feelings.

It was dark outside now and the only way of seeing the road was though the headlights. With her mind raising, it running over and over with thoughts about her husband; her son and the rest of the fire house as she drove. She felt like she was meant to be looking for something, like her heart was telling her to go somewhere, even though her mind didn't know where. So she drove, she drove for miles and miles to try and make myself think straight; trying convince herself to do something other than worry about something she had absolutely no power over changing. Then as she turned on to the interstate and carried on driving in the pitch black of night, she realised there was no point in her even trying to go anywhere to clear her head, because everywhere she went, no matter the time or the place, it always lead her straight back to the hospital. No matter how angry she was that the accident happened to Matt, she never would've cast it into another person. Matt was the love of her life and she knew he needed her at a time like this, even though she wasn't sure if he could hear her or not. She kept telling herself that she needed to go and see him, when she would return to the hospital she made a promise herself that she would go and see him. The thing she was most worried about was Jamie. He had been so strong through all of this and, she was worried that she was neglecting him to account for her own feelings. However, it wasn't like he didn't have people around him that loved him and where trusted to care for him. Gabby needed to pull her finger out. Death wasn't something that need to be handled lightly and Gabby knew that, probably more than anyone because of the amount of people she had lost during her time in the Navy. Sure she had a way of handle the prospect of death, but when it is someone that matters so much to you like Matt did to her, could be be enough to bring anyone down?


End file.
